week 8

 I wasn't in class this week. On Monday I had to go into work early, since there's a huge buildup of papers I need to file. My boss is taking me on a trip later this month to AC. There's some sort of convention for attorneys and she wants to introduce me to some people. She agreed to let me work from home once I'm off to college.

On Wednesday I was sick. I hate staying home when I'm sick. I only get so many unexcused absences, I want to do something fun if I'm not in school.

I started reading Lolita. There are so many references in pop culture, and I love a book with a detestable narrator. Humbert is well educated and attractive, which leads many characters to instinctively trust him. The writing style is beautiful and poetic. The contrast between the stunning writing style and the disgusting subject matter is very interesting, and it makes the book hard to put down. At the same time, it's a rough read. Humbert unabashedly and passionately expresses his infatuation with Dolores in a way that makes my skin crawl. I've never had a book make me feel nauseous before. I highly recommend, just beware of some graphic content.

week ???

 Sorry I've been neglecting my blogs. I got a second job. I'm finally back into blackboard! I committed to Seton Hall, and I went to a college event on Friday. I like the campus, and the people there are so sweet. 

My brother left a bunch of nails in the driveway, and to no one's surprise it gave me a flat tire. My boss was nervous I wasn't there yet since I'm literally never late, and I needed the hours so I got my ass in the car and drove half an hour on a flat tire. I got sent home, and by the time I got to my dad's the tire was so low that I was risking blowing it out. 

My car is making me nervous. The check engine light is on, but it's a Volkswagen so when is it not on. The right headlight is out, but if I bop it a few times it turns back on. I'm overdue for an oil change. I haven't changed it since October, so that shit probably looks like tar. 

Week 6

 I'm posting this a little late because I'm lowkey freaking out. I can't sign into Georgian Court and I also can't reset my password. I just booked a $300 hotel and found out I have to be 21, so now I'm begging for a refund. I have no idea what assignments I'm missing because I can't sign in. The hotel won't answer my calls or emails. All of the jobs I've contacted haven't gotten back to me. Week from hell.

I liked the exercise in class where we each wrote two lines and passed it around the room, and I liked Gertrude Stein's work more than expected.

This week I'm grateful for Maison Foufou, Chilis, and Mitski.

Poem!

The ground squelches beneath, I

Accept all that I am

I allow myself to be large,

To take up space is to be, and I 

Do not contain, 

For there are too many ways to be, too many multitudes

Week 4

 I totally missed last weeks blog. I’ll probably make extra blogs in the future to make up for it. I really like The Yellow Wallpaper. I read it a few years ago when my aunt gifted me a copy. I think the commentary about mental health treatment, especially around women, is still relevant today. The narrator struggles with depression, and her doctor prescribes her rest in an ugly yellow room. I think it’s so interesting how she has no voice, and the terrible isolation she feels is making her condition worse. She develops psychosis, eventually believing there’s a woman inside the wallpaper begging to be let out. It’s a pretty clear symbol for the narrator. I think the yellow wallpaper is becoming increasingly relevant. I find it ironic that psychology is slowly becoming a woman dominated profession, since historically women have been oppressed by diagnoses like hysteria and treatments like lobotomies. 

I’m super excited for Valentine’s Day and the three day weekend

This week I’m grateful for legos and road trips.

Week 2

 I still don't get Whitman. Last time I tried reading his work I had just finished watching Breaking Bad. The novel Leaves of Grass led to Hank realizing Walter's alter ego as Heisenberg, and I heard that Walter White was named after Whitman. I'm not sure if that's true, but I read it to understand the character better and see if I was missing out on some irony or symbolism. Reading Song of Myself reopened some old wounds, and I have absolutely no idea what this guy is saying.

The eleventh poem stood out to me because I understood the most words. The poem starts off with the repetition of the phrase "twenty eight young men" and describes the men bathing in a lake. The poem describes a woman in her late twenties being creepy as hell watching the men. The perspective confuses me. It feels like the narrator is aware that they're a narrator, and says things like "Where are you off to lady? For I see you." They also mention this "unseen hand" and I think that's mentioning the woman. She joins them on the beach. There's a lot of emphasis on the men not knowing they're being watched. I don't get what Whitman is trying to say here. Is it supposed to be a commentary and am I missing out on some cultural context or is he just painting a picture?

I liked how Whitman has so many perspectives. One poem will be about a goose, the next about himself, the next about grass. I appreciate that. I do think some of the lines are just stringing random words together until they sound good. The last line of the seventh poem says "Undrape! you are not guilty to me, nor stale nor discarded, I see through the broadcloth and gingham whether or no, And am around, tenacious, acquisitive, tireless, and cannot be shaken away." What could that possibly mean Walt? I don't even understand who he's talking to.

I probably won't be talking about my week as often in these blogs. I think I'll start adding pictures to get a better idea of how my life has been.

This week I'm grateful for delayed openings and cat treats.

Week 1 (the sequel)

     I'm back! I took a quick hiatus over the break. I spent a lot of time with my friends and family, I went to the city a few times, and I'm devastated that I have to give up my after school naps. I'm excited for this class. I used to read all the time, but for the past few years I've gradually read less and less. I've been trying to get back into it, so I've been reading short stories. Yesterday I read Recitate by Toni Morrison and thoroughly enjoyed it. For the past week or so I've been working on a short story collection called Rejection by Tony Tulathimutte. I've read three of his stories so far, and I think he really gets the feeling of loneliness and hopelessness across. The narrators are generally unlikable, but they're fun to hate.

    I'm dreading poetry lessons. Poetry has never been my thing, everything is a symbol or part of a larger commentary. It's like a word puzzle, and it's just never clicked for me. I tried reading Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass and it frustrated me. Like I get it, humanity is interconnected, what do you mean "a castrated face" Walt? 

     Keeping up with my gratitude journal, this week I'm grateful for marinated eggs and the step up platform at my gym.

     I enjoyed English a lot last semester, I'm looking forward to more meditation and mindfulness walks this time around.